Hey there, readers, friends. It’s been a little while since I’ve made a post here, huh? To be honest there are so many reasons. Firstly, as I’ve briefly mentioned here before, I’m working on a writing project (I’d like to call a novel) and it has taken up a huge chunk of my free time – of which I don’t have a whole lot of to begin with since I spend most of my day chasing a toddler around ?.

At first, I felt a lot of pressure to balance blogging and my book writing but honestly, I just can’t. I have such a hard time focusing on one thing as it is. I tend to overwhelm myself with 500 goals and then I meltdown and can’t focus on anything at all and end up doing none of them.
But I have a strong pull to write my story. So, I decided to give myself some grace with this blog while I focus on my novel, which has been a huge gift to me during quarantine. I could write an entire blog about that alone but, as someone who never really delved much into fiction writing before this year, it has been an absolute lifesaver. Being able to step into this alternate universe, a place where I have complete control (what a concept, huh?!) has been a huge source of distraction and comfort for me during such an insane time in my life, and the world in general.

The other reason I have had a hard time blogging lately is that I’m insecure. That’s the honest truth. As soon as the pandemic started, suddenly all the posts I had planned for 2020 seemed so irrelevant. How can I preach self-improvement and grateful living when I am in the absolute trenches of struggling to do either of those things? Aren’t we all just trying to survive right now? The posts I had planned didn’t feel relevant, and to me, it almost even felt insensitive to write about. I’m not saying I think that way about anyone else’s posts, because I don’t. As I said, I’m insecure. I’m my own critic. I know I’m not alone in that.

Speaking of not being alone though, the point of this post is just that.

There was a time where I was very proud of this blog, and I still am! I joke on my Tumblr that this is my “big girl blog” because I actually make an attempt to be cohesive and somewhat grammatically correct (and still I struggle ? I’ve never claimed to be a good writer, I just have a strong need to communicate and writing is my chosen medium).
I blog because I really do care about connecting with others, and especially, being able to help others, whether that is through providing information, resource, or simply my willingness to be vulnerable. While I do feel that I am authentic and vulnerable on this blog, I tend to leave a lot out.

Don’t get me wrong. I see no wrong about talking about the bad parts of life on the internet, whether it be your Facebook page, Instagram, Tumblr, whatever. It’s a neutral thing to me. A choice we each make, knowing that no matter what you say online, it will be up for some sort of judgment. As for me, Tumblr has always been more so my medium for that.

There have been times though, that I’ve wanted to be a little more vulnerable on this blog about the murkier topics of life. But something always stops me. I guess it’s probably because the point of this blog was always to promote self-improvement, and gratefulness. The darker parts of life don’t really reflect that.

But here’s the thing – when I’m having a bad day (or month. June was a trip y’all) you know what helps me the most? It’s not forcing positivity onto myself in the form of quotes or happy songs (though I’ve tried this and occasionally it’s a temporary fix), it’s seeking out understanding or relatability in something or someone else.
It’s listening to a song that relates to how I’m feeling, and listening to that song over and over because it makes me feel heard. It makes me feel less alone.

That’s why vulnerability can be such gift. That’s why even though it’s hard to talk about hard things, we should, we need to. For ourselves and each other.

It’s important to share our stories. Imagine if no one ever shared their heartbreak in the form of a song, book, or sentence? What if we never talked about it? We would all think we were the only ones to feel heartbreak. Or whatever the struggle is. How tragic and unnecessary would that be?

The reality is, anything you are struggling with now, you are not the first, and you are not the last, to struggle with whatever that thing is. And the only reason you have the privilege of knowing that fact is because someone took a risk to wear their heart on their sleeve and admit: “I’m going through this”.

So the point of this post is the title. It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to talk about your not okay-ness. It doesn’t make you a burden or annoying. If you can’t talk about the struggle while you’re going through it, that’s fine. But if you can, I encourage you to. Or when you come out the other end of your struggle, I encourage you to talk about it. There have been times in my life where, genuinely, the only thing that kept me on this Earth, was knowing that I wasn’t alone and that what I was going through wasn’t going to last forever, because someone else expressed my very struggle through their art, and survived.

So I’ll end the post with this,

❂ I have survived immeasurable grief, and I will talk with you about grief if you want to talk. I will hold space for you.

❂ I have survived heartbreak, and I will talk with you about heartbreak if you want to talk. I will hold space for you.

❂ I have survived emotional abuse, and I will talk to you about abuse if you want to talk. I will hold space for you.

❂ I have survived birth trauma, and I will talk to you about birth trauma if you want to talk. I will hold space for you.

❂ I have survived self-harm (and relapses) and I will talk to you about self-harm (and relapses) if you want to talk. I will hold space for you.

❂ I have lived with and continue to live with depression, anxiety, and PTSD and I will talk to you about depression, anxiety, and PTSD if you want to talk. I will hold space for you.

I know for some of you I am a friend in person, others a friend online, and for some people who find this blog, I am a complete stranger. But my declarations above stand true for each and every one of you.

Sending love & light,
Kat