What. A. Year.

2022 was a year of so much change.

At the end of 2021, I was dealing with a lot. I was pregnant, and although my pregnancy was mostly healthy, it was a very high anxiety time for me. I had recently cut ties with my family of origin – a difficult but necessary decision, and I had a lot of feelings about everything. I have not and probably will not go into a ton of depth about that scenario here but I will say this: It is possible to forgive people for their inability to heal from their own traumas while not allowing them to hurt you too. Unfortunately, sometimes, we have to love people from afar. That is something I have had to learn to do. This year taught me that my peace is worth protecting as is my sanity and by extension, my children’s. I will not tolerate bullies in my life regardless of if they are “blood” or not.

In April, we welcomed our wonderful baby boy, into our family via a peaceful, planned c-section – a decision I mulled over but am so glad I made. It was the best day of the entire year, a day I feared would never come. We are so thankful to have our sweet boy join our family, and he fits right in! I have also loved seeing our daughter dote on him as the best big sister. There is no joy on earth for me that can compare to seeing the two of them together.

The summer was an adventure! It took some time to find a routine as a stay-at-home mom of two kids of very different ages and needs. But I figured it out and I really enjoyed the time I had with my children over the summer. Babywearing was my lifesaver and thankfully my son is a little kangaroo baby who adores being worn – even now at eight months old. We spent a lot of time outside, playing in the water, and made frequent visits to our local mobile coffee cafe for their shaved ice. I learned that perfection was impossible. And that a lot of things could wait, but these years of children’s lives are fleeting and I want to enjoy them. Did my house go to hell a little bit? Yeah. Did I loosen up a bit on my routines? Definitely. Was it ultimately all worth it to spend as much time as possible with my kids during this time? Yes!

Summer came and went and I was sad and anxious to send my daughter to kindergarten in September. But as always, she exceeded my expectations and adjusted really well. I am fascinated by the things that kindergartners can do these days. My daughter can read a ton of words, do math and write her full first and last name. It’s incredible! My son and I also got into a new routine during the day while my daughter is at school and my husband is at work. We didn’t intend for our kids to be four and a half years apart, but I’ve come to realize that it is a great age gap and it was just meant to be this way for us. I really enjoy getting to spend so much one-on-one time with my son, as I did with my daughter when she was younger. He is a big-time mama’s boy and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy every single second of it. My love for my kids is the biggest thing that has gotten me through the trials of 2022. They are a constant reminder of my purpose and the cycles I am trying to break.

This fall I did something I have been afraid to do for a long time – I publicized some of my most vulnerable thoughts in the form of poetry on my new poetry Instagram page. It is something I have been thinking about doing for a long time. But I had so much resistance and fear. Ultimately, there were two things that helped me make the plunge. First, Brene Brown’s book, “Daring Greatly” inspired me a TON. If you don’t have time to read it, check out her TED Talk. It is all about the power of vulnerability. Second, it was the loss. The grief of losing people I never thought I’d lose really shook my personal belief system to the core. If I was not good enough for them, then why do I even care about what anyone thinks? It sounds depressing but it was actually really inspiring for me – a former people pleaser. There was no one left to impress, except for myself. I had spent years ignoring my own needs, desires, and dreams. 2022 woke me up – this is my life. I’m not going to waste it shrinking myself to fit into places I don’t belong, and with people who are committed to misunderstanding me.

In 2022, I leaned into a “Fuck it” attitude ala an old favorite character of mine, Chris from Skins (UK), and started being brave. Do I care if there is someone, somewhere who hates my poetry? No. Do I care that I’ve been unfairly villainized? No. Not anymore. Because I know who I am and at the end of the day that matters most. I know who my people are. I continue to make new friends, and I know that I’m going to be okay whether or not I have the approval of the world. I don’t need that.

Looking back at my goals/intentions post for 2022 post I made in January, I aspired to “thrive, be present and nurture”. I feel as though I really did do those things this year. I took the steps necessary to truly thrive this year. I was intentional about being more present with my family. I nurtured my family and myself.

In 2023 I will turn 30 and I am so excited. I know a lot of people dread the end of their 20s but honestly, I don’t feel that way. There was a lot of strife in my 20s. I’m ready for something different in the next decade, and my 29th year has equipped me with the confidence and bravery I need to get a start on that. But that is a post for another day.

I’d like to end this post on a fun note so I’m going to share some of my favorite things to listen to, watch and read in 2022.

The album OK Human by Weezer – This album is incredible, honest, and fun!

The song “Matilda” by Harry Styles – This song hit close to home and comforted me through a difficult transitionary time.

The Amazon series The Marvelous Mrs.Maisel – We all have that show that got us through the crazy postpartum time right? This show was that for me!

The book Regrettably, I Am About To Cause Trouble – I got this as a gift on Christmas. I love the author, Amie McNee. She never fails to impress me! This book is incredible.

My friend Sarah’s Youtube channel for cleaning inspiration – My friend Sarah started a Youtube channel this year and I have really enjoyed watching her videos!

My favorite Instagram to keep me inspired to continue writing – This is the Instagram of the author I mentioned above, Amie McNee. She is part of why I have become brave enough to start writing a book and publishing my poetry. If you are a creative of any sort, I highly recommend following her.

I hope that this post finds you well, reader. I will see you in the new year with my intentions for 2023 🖤

Love & Light,