A new year – a new decade. A plethora of opportunities laid before us – all for the taking if we so choose.

Happy New Year! Welcome to 2020! I hope that you had a wonderful New Year’s Eve/New Year’s Day celebration! Kevin and I started a new tradition of doing our end of the year burning ritual that I talked about in my last post. I must say – it felt good. We set our intentions for 2020 and wrote a letter to be opened at the end of this year.
And of course, we talked about our goals for the upcoming year.

As I did in 2019, I decided to choose some keywords to focus on throughout the year. This seemed to work really well for me last year. In the past, I would come up with very concrete and often unrealistic goals that never seemed to get accomplished for one reason or another. Last year my goal was to work on my contentment and my overall self-growth and indeed it was a year of committing to both of those things. I spent a lot of time journaling about my gratitude for my current place in life – to be raising my daughter at home, being in a healthy and supportive relationship, living in a safe space and not going without.

Throughout the year, with the help of introspective journaling and extensive research about self-healing and understanding the effects of trauma, upbringing, and mental health I figured out something important that I needed to do. I began the process of letting go of resentments toward people who may have hurt me while also learning to set firm boundaries to protect and respect myself. I grew and I’m still working on this. I am learning to fine-tune my empathy in a way so that I can help others, and be understanding without allowing myself to be used.

So what’s in store for 2020?

 

Trust. Self Care. Growth.

 

Trust:

This year I am setting an intention to be more trusting in the universe/life/a higher power’s plan for me. You could also call this having more “faith” in life, but I didn’t want it to be interpreted in a  religious context because that’s not quite what I mean.

In my adult life, I have had a history of needing a sense of control, probably a little more than the average person. For example, spontaneity (ex: change of plans, good or bad surprises) makes me feel uncomfortable. I felt very controlled during certain parts of my life so now that I have control of myself I try to plan things so meticulously that I get anxiety when they fall apart or don’t go as planned.

This year I aspire to trust life a little more and spend less time stressing over things I simply cannot control – while also allowing spontaneity in my life. I can proudly say that I’ve already taken the first step in this, Kevin and I ordered tickets to bring Julia to Storyland this summer. It will be our first time taking her on a long drive, an overnight trip. Our first family vacation. This might sound like nothing to some people. Why are you afraid to book a vacation? Well, it’s scary for me. Julia has always done excellent with a set schedule. It’s the kind of child she is, maybe she takes after me. So planning a trip like this will disrupt that entirely. But it’s the only way for her to experience this fun place that Kevin has so many dear childhood memories about. Sure it might be difficult but maybe it will be amazing too. I’m not letting the fear hold us back.

Self Care:

I need to take better care of myself this year. I tend to leave myself at the bottom of my priority list and I need to work on that. I haven’t been to a check-up since before Julia was born. I’ve made appointments – only to cancel them. I need to take my health more seriously.  In the past, I’ve complained about needing to lose __ amount of weight, and it’s always been about a number or because I’m unhappy with how a certain body part looks. But honestly what it comes down to is, I’m not getting any younger. I need to learn to take care of my body. I need to learn healthier habits both in terms of eating healthier food, and setting aside time for things that aid my mental health like going for walks, meditating and getting regular alone time.

Side story warning…it’s relevant though –> Last week I was feeling absolutely, down in the dumps. I was pessimistic as f*k and seriously wondering what on Earth my purpose in life was – even though I know my purpose, I know what I’m after in life, I know what I’m trying to do and how much love there is around me. But the feeling swallowed me up. Kevin was home and I asked if he minded if I went out for a Target run. I got what we needed (ok I didn’t need clearance Christmas ornaments and wrapping paper for next year.. but not the point) and left. On the way home I half guiltily got a latte and took the longest way possible home while full-on blasting one of my favorite albums, Trench (absolute jam linked). I drove through the winding backroads of our adjoining town, I cracked the window to feel the crisp December air and continued driving until I got to one of my favorite roads which leads me down a small bridge that has the most lovely and still water on either side. When I got home I felt so good. I had only been gone for about an hour but I felt as though my spirit had been lifted. Like a film had been removed from over my eyes. And – I was inspired to write which I had just earlier been struggling to do.

All because I spent an hour alone. I went from feeling incredibly low and lost to feeling energized and ready to dive into my writing while Julia napped, make a delicious dinner and love on my little family. The point here is – as an introvert, and especially as a mom, it is absolutely vital to get time alone and this is something I regularly neglect to make time for until I feel as though I’ve been overstimulated, touched out and my battery percentage is dangerously low. This is something I am committed to working on in 2020.

 

Last but certainly not least,

 

Growth:

 Last year was a journey in more ways than one. I dedicated a lot of time into being more intentional and self-aware – as uncomfortable as it can be at times. At one point in the year, I realized that I had completely abandoned so many things that used to make me happy. I realized that I was living a life of stagnation, doing the same thing every day, which with my love of routine was fine, comfortable, but I wasn’t growing. I was still feeling disconnected from my self and my own happiness. I wasn’t really doing anything simply for fulfillment. I wasn’t engaging in hobbies, or even at the least, something that takes no effort, – listening, really listening to my favorite music anymore. I was caught up in getting through each day with my high energy toddler,  then “winding” down at night by watching youtube videos and scrolling Instragam and Facebook feeds mindlessly… to feel.. connected? Because being a SAHM when your friends don’t have kids can be really lonely. But honestly…the kind of connection I crave could not be found on curated social media feeds and deep down I knew that. I can’t wish people into existence  (i.e have “mom friends” magically appear in my life) but I can choose to focus on other things. My identity isn’t just being a mom.

In 2020, I’m committed to decreasing my time on social media in order to examine myself, my hobbies, my dreams and grow without constant distraction.

I am going to utilize my blog Instagram (@moonlit.bloom) for promoting my posts but otherwise, I’ll be cutting down on the time spent scrolling away mindlessly and instead, I’m going to make a point to indulge in my hobbies again. I wrote more in 2019 than I did in probably the entire decade combined. Writing makes my soul feel good. I don’t care about how skilled I am at it, or about how many of you are reading. I like writing, so I write. I need to focus on these kinds of things.

Listen to music more. Discover artists I haven’t heard before. Start expressing myself in other avenues that I’ve barely explored, like painting, sewing, baking – all things I’ve said I want to do more of but always come up with excuses for why I have not yet. Excuse my language but, f*ck that. I have the time. My daughter goes to bed at 7pm. Even if I only had from 9-10pm. An hour spent doing something that is actually gratifying instead of just staring at a screen is very doable and there’s no excuse not to be doing it.

This is my life after all. My one and only life (well, maybe). And yours too.
Why are we wasting so much time on our phones?

Not to romanticize the 90s or dial-up, but before the internet was so fast and accessible, we were out there doing other shit. There have always been mindless distractions at our disposal, sure, but I don’t feel like anything has ever had a hold on humanity like the distraction of cell phones and social media. With that being said, I do enjoy talking to friends online that don’t live near me. I’ll still use social media because it’s not all evil and bad, there are good things about it when used in moderation. But that’s the key, moderation.

Trust. Self Care. Growth.

Those are my keyword goals for 2020. I know I have a lot of work to do but after seeing the changes I made last year, I know I have it in me. And hey, honestly, if you made it this far into my ridiculously long post? You are capable of anything! I’m just kidding. You’re capable even if you didn’t make it this far. I believe in myself, and I believe in you.

Remember – you create your own reality with your thoughts and actions. Choose wisely, but also remember, the opportunity for change is always an option.
Nothing is set in stone.

Sending you so much love and light, happy new year!