Life has been…different lately. I almost feel like I’m on an episode of Big Brother where the tagline is “Expect the unexpected!”.  And to that I would say – no thanks, I prefer my predictability! However life always has a way of shaking things up, right?  You’ve got the seasons, the long amounts of time in life where things are a certain way – good or bad, easy or tough, then you have the waves. The waves being, shorter spans of  those ups and downs, good and bad. Well we’re in a weird wave right now. Things aren’t bad. They’re actually good, for the most part. There is however, a sudden uncertainty going on around situations that neither Kevin or I can control.

Thankfully a few weeks ago I started journaling again. For me, it has become sort of a therapy session with myself. Old fashioned, pen and paper in a regular old one subject notebook. If I write long enough I start to answer some of my own questions. I’ve filled over twenty pages in the past two weeks to give you an idea of where my head has been at. I write it all down. Feelings, worries, gratitude, day-to-day, hopes, and a lot of introspection.

While journaling I recently came to a realization that has really resonated with me:

I am not in control of what happens outside my door.
I am not in control of the health of others.
I am not in control of what other people think.
I am not in control of what other people do.
But,
I am in control myself and how I respond to what happens around me.
That. Is. All.

As timing would have it, the day after I wrote about this realization in my journal, something totally out of left field happened that I didn’t feel prepared for and cannot change.
That is life right? Waves. And this is a test. Instead of completely sulking about what I am not in control of, I’m forced to look at myself, my life and what I can do that might at the very least, help me handle and respond to the situation positively.

There is comfort to be found in the fact that waves are, well, waves and this will pass. No difficult or confusing situation in life lasts forever and we are only in control of how we respond. For me, I can chose to either sulk about the unknown, become blind to my blessings and give up on improving what I can control because I can’t see past the fog of uncertainty. Or I can choose to examine what areas of my life need improvement and work on that right now, so that I can feel more prepared for whatever life has coming next.

 
All I know about this current wave is that I didn’t choose it, I didn’t foresee it, but I can let it motivate me to work on something I can control.

“the most widespread affliction
that people suffer from is a lack
of belief in their own power”
— yung pueblo

I hope this post finds you well and if no one else has told you today:
I believe in you and you matter.